There are a number of changes occurring in my life that started when summer arrived.
I've changed my hair, my office location, my work, my goals, my vision of me in the future, I seem to have hit my mid-life crisis a little earlier than I expected.
Then it hit me today - as I'm looking at the view from my office window and wishing I were at home writing instead of at the office getting it ready for the fall season.
It seems to me that the autumn season signifies change.
Kids change grades in school and we gear down for a new school year.
many of us start to change our wardrobe to accomodate the cooling weather...and as I looked out my office at the view, the view of the trees - and I saw a beautiful maple tree bright orange and red already.
I guess because I was laid up with my back for most of the summer I wasn't able to fully enjoy the summer and it seemed to fly by...now, on the brink of teh change of seasons again, I'm feeling a sense of loss...specifically lost time.
Somewhere in the last few months I lost some time. Time with my family and friends, time with my work, time with my hobbies (I have so many). I know I'll never get it back, but my dilemma is what do I do to ensure it doesn't happen again? Well it all begins with evaluation and setting goals. I tend to make my goals and life changes in September rather than in January - the whole resolution thing just doesn't work for me. But September goal setting and work/life evaluation has been in my life for the last 12 years.
ah - I know not a normal entry for my blog...
There are other more important things happening today - marking the 5th memorial for the tragedy of the World Trade Towers which is likely what has me in this semi melancholy (is that how you spell it?) mood. You can't turn on the TV or listen to the radio without mention of it - I remember exactly where I was when I first heard it on the radio. I thought it was a fake report but stayed listening to the radio just to hear more and I didn't usually go home for lunch, but I made an exception and I went home as soon as my meetings were over that morning and I sat in front of the tv in shock and horror and I cried.
I cried because I thought for me this was the most horrible day ever. But I realized it had gotten worse. You see, my mom died of Cancer on September 11, 2004. I had just come from the cemetary in the morning on my way to a meeting with some insurance people when I heard the news. So I was already mourning my own loss so that the grief I experienced made me change the way I grieved for my mother.
We were with my mom. The last thing she said to me in her morphine enduced state was that she loved me. Of course I didn't understand her because she was mumbling, but the nurse told me that was what she said. (I thought my mom had asked for more water and she got frustrated when I asked if that was what she wanted. ) I was able to see my mom and to hold her hand, and I did, I got to hold her hand when she passed away. And I realized that I was lucky. My mom loved me, she told me so, and I got to be with her so that neither of us was afraid when she passed away.
All those people in the towers that weren't able to be with the people they loved....yes, my friends, I was so lucky.
Ah - I've gotten off track.
I wanted to blog about the changes of the season and ended up being thankful I was so lucky.
I'll blog about the changes coming in my life another time.
